A marriage rarely dies overnight. In most cases, the destruction of a marriage happens little by little. That’s why couples should pay attention to any signs of trouble and take immediate action to solve them before the problems cause serious damage to their relationship. Solving the problems that arise in a marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage itself is saved. The members can go both ways from here. Either they decide to work on their issues and save the marriage or get divorced. However, if your marriage is in trouble, any compromise, cooperation, and discussion may be impossible, and here’s where the role of a couple counselor comes in play.
When your marriage is in trouble, the sooner your face the facts and make decisions, the better. Avoiding to talk about your problems or to even approach them won’t do you any good. As a matter of fact, it will only make matters worse. Furthermore, if divorce may seem the only option for you two, the sooner you acknowledge it, the more financially and emotionally prepared you’ll be for what is about to happen.
You may find yourself becoming consumed with anger, crying a lot, resurrecting old hurts, and replaying old arguments when your marriage is in trouble. These reactions can turn small issues into big ones and cause you to lose all perspective when it comes to your marriage or your spouse. Additionally, when you let emotions lead, you may find yourself in the difficult situations of not being able to realistically assess your options. Going to a couple counselor and talking about your problems may reveal to you options that you may have never considered under different circumstances.
There is no test that can tell you if your marriage is in serious trouble or that whatever you’re experiencing is just the result of the stress and strain most marriages experience at one point or another. However, if more than just a few of the following statements apply to your marriage, then you may have to take matters seriously or the things may go awry from here on.
One or both of you is having an affair.
You’ve turned from lovers into roommates.
Contempt and resentment have replaced love and patience.
You’ve lost the willingness or ability to solve your marital issues.
You fight constantly.
Don’t panic if you find that your marriage shows signs of these characteristics – you are not necessarily heading for divorce. However, you must definitely see a couple counselor as soon as possible. New York Center for Psychotherapy is located in New York, NY, and you can make an appointment by calling us at (212) 348-3925.